What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 02:26
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was in good health!
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My mum and dad in the seventies!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
All the time i was locked up.
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And who doesn’t know suffering?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ive learnt so much.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Comes on , in middle age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So, i spoilt her more .
It was going to be , some day.
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This is soul school!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was very sick at this time too.
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I did it because my mum asked me too!
One cannot live in the past .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
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I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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I of course replied” arh beautiful!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She wouldn,t have been !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Vero beatae repudiandae excepturi hic quia tenetur.
I was seconnd youngest,
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
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Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im still living with it.
So whats the point in blame.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My life is so biszare .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I think the readers, may guess!
When she asked me how she looked .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was scared of men, in general
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I will be 64.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We were not on the streets..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I said to her
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Put me off passion for life!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My family never makes their pension either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But, we were locked up after school.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was 9 years of age.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She loved him until the end.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She found it foreign!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Who then, do I blame.?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But it wasn’t much.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Would this be the day?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He resisted the act ,that day.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He knew the spot.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I have no regrets .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And i lived it daily.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She married twice! .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I waited trembling.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We all went to grammer schools
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I don,t even have a pension.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Was to survive, this bastard.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
What did i know ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.